I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
vagina is talking i cant
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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