Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
