a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
