if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize