Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
