if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
