Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
