I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
