I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
