who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
