haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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