somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
