ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
