Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
