the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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