i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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