Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
