what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
