In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize