My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you made out with another girl for some wings
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