I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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