just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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