I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize