I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
