We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When did angry sex become our thing?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize