seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
