I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize