Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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