it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
