Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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