he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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