When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
