i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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