After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I supernannyed him into submission
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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