she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
