i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
