there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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