Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
