Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
