I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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