don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
