It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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