those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
