There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
