So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize