Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
