Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
