hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Girls should come with a carfax report
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
