So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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