I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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