rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
