Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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