I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
