My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
