Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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