my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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