Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
