Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
