Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize