she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm always down for nudity.
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