I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
