We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
