Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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