If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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