; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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