dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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