the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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