I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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