God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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