people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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