If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize