and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
