Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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