yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
